Catholic Humor

Be a Priest

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother,  “Mom, I’ve decided to become a Priest when I grow up.”

“That’s okay with us, but what made you decide that?”

“Well,”  said the little boy, “I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit down and listen.”

The Collar

A priest was walking along the corridor of the parochial school near the preschool wing when a group of little ones were trotting by on the way to the cafeteria.  One little lad of about three or four stopped and looked at him in his clerical clothes and asked “Why do you dress funny?”

He told him he was a priest and this is the uniform priests wear.

Then the boy pointed to the priest’s plastic collar tab and asked, “Do you have an owie?”

The priest was perplexed until he realized that to him the collar tab looked like a band-aid.  So the priest took it out and handed it to the boy to show him.  On the back of the tab are raised letters giving the name of the manufacturer.

The little guy felt the letters, and the priest asked, “Do you know what those words say?”

“Yes I do,” said the lad who was not old enough to read.  Peering intently at the letters he said, “Kills ticks and fleas up to six months!”

Jesus Vs. Satan

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer.  They had been going at it for days, and God [the Father] was tired of hearing all of the bickering.  Finally God said, “Cool it.  I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job.”

So down Satan and Jesus sat at the keyboards and typed away.  They moused.  They did spreadsheets.  The wrote reports.  They sent faxes.  They sent e-mail.  They sent out e-mail with attachments.  They downloaded.  They did some geneology reports.  They made cards.  They did every known job.

But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off.  Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.  Jesus just sighed.  The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their computers.

Satan started searching frantically, screaming “It’s gone!  It’s all gone!  I lost everything when the power went out!”

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours.  Satan observed this and became irate.  “Wait! He cheated, how did he do it?”

God shrugged and said, “Jesus saves.”

Knock & The Door Shall Be Opened To Thee

A pastor went out one Satuday to visit his church members.  At one house it was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even though the pastor had knocked several times.  Finally, the pastor took out his card and wrote “Revelations 3:20” on the back of it, and stuck it in the door.

{Behold, I stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him and him with me.}

The next day, the card turned up in the collection plate.  Below the pastor’s message was the notation “Genesis 3:10”.

{I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.}


Humor Links

Fisheaters –

Spiritual Humor –

Catholic People – Humor –

eDigg Catholic Jokes –